AIDS/Lifecycle

The time has arrived for me to head up north and begin my volunteer work for the AIDS/Lifecycle. I leave tomorrow morning for San Francisco for a little orientation on Saturday and then the ride begins on Sunday traveling down the coast to Los Angeles over seven days. This will be my first time doing anything like this, so it should be quite the experience.

I'm taking the train from Santa Barbara up to San Francisco tomorrow and by train I mean a bus ride from Santa Barbara to Bakersfield, a train from Bakersfield to Emeryville, and then finally a bus from Emeryville into San Francisco. Once in the city I'll meet up with David's brother Jason and crash on his couch for the night. Then on Saturday down to the Cow Palace for orientation, make it to the hotel, rest up, and then be ready to go early Sunday morning.

Here's a quick overview of the riders route. The first day takes the riders from San Francisco to Santa Cruz. Day two goes from Santa Cruz to King CIty. Day three begins in King City and ends in Paso Robles. On day four we move down the 101 to Santa Maria. From Santa Maria the cyclist ride into Lompoc on day five. Day six takes the riders through Santa Barbara and down to Ventura. Day seven follows the Pacific Coast Highway down into Los Angeles where the ride ends at the Los Angeles VA near Westwood.

Once closing ceremonies are over I have to find a way from the VA to LAX so I can catch the Santa Barbara Airbus back home. I've been joking around that I should carry a video camera and turn this adventure to and from Santa Barbara into an audition tape for The Amazing Race.

While I'm on the ride I will not have my cell phone or a way to check email. So I will get back in touch with all of you after the ride.

Left Behind

I know this sounds cliche' but I feel that my life is stuck in neutral. I'm just sitting here in Santa Barbara spinning the wheels of my life and going nowhere. Take my best friends from graduate school for example; Heather is married, owns a house, and has an adorable puppy, and Laef is engaged and going to be married by summers end. In addition to those two my favorite co-workers from UCSB have all moved on to other positions. Even Heather and Laef have moved on to better jobs from when we all graduated. My best friend from undergraduate school is well on her way to becoming a great physician. And here I sit "blogging it out".

I'm sure some of you are thinking one; what are you talking about, and two; that Santa Barbara is not a bad place to be sitting in neutral. Partly you are right in that Santa Barbara is a beautiful place to live, but when you are not satisfied with what your daily life has become not even the landscape can change ones mind.

Ultimately, my unhappiness in my current situation is primarily caused by loneliness. The reason for my loneliness is also completely my own fault. I've always kept a part of my life secret from just about everyone and that wears on a person over the years. I'm getting to the point where I am tired of the secrecy and feeling like I have to have my guard up at all times. I have kept my work life and personal life separate ever since I got to Santa Barbara. In essence I live my life in two bubbles that very rarely touch and in fact I go to great lengths to keep them from drifting too close to each other.

What is wrong with me?

Although when I'm in my work bubble I have been able to develop positive relationships that enhance my work life I am reluctant to let them venture too far into my personal life. Okay so, my work life is good most days. The real problem lies in my personal life. Those of you who know me well know exactly what I am talking about and the reasons that I feel the way that I do. My problem is how do I correct this? What do I do to make this better? I'm at loss for words and a loss for answers I don't know what to do? I feel like my only option is to walk away from the career that I have gone to six years of school for, a profession that gave me the confidence to break out of a depression that had me thinking thoughts of suicide, and a world of sports and competition that I enjoy so much. If that is what I have to do to be happy in the other aspects of my life is that a trade I am willing to make? That is the answer that I currently don't know and am wrestling with.

I'm a man who lives a life of contradictions. I am a man who feels like he doesn't quite fit in anyplace and with no one. The internet has become my window to the world and my means of being social. How sad is that? I work in a job that requires a lot human interaction and then as soon as I get home I need the help of a keyboard, mouse, monitor, and an internet connection to feel connected to a community that I don't feel accepts me. It's like living in limbo and I have no idea right now how to make it better. Maybe if I wait long enough the answer will slap me in the face, or I'll finally get off my ass and actually do something about it. Only time will tell.

Thanks for listening!

A First Time to Remember

This past Thursday I passed a major milestone at the ripe old age of twenty-seven. Believe it or not, I went to my first ever concert. It's true! I have never been to a concert till Christina, Justin, and I decided to check out the Nine Inch Nails and Jane's Addiction show at the Santa Barbara Bowl. I enjoy Nine Inch Nail's music, so they were the main reason I went and I really only knew a couple of songs by Jane's Addiction. Christina was the exact opposite, she was more familiar with Jane's Addiction, and Justin he was all about both bands.

The concert began at 5:30 with the opening act Street Sweeper followed by Nine Inch Nails at 6:30 and Jane's Addiction closing out the show at 8:30. We missed Street Sweeper because we opted for a little pre concert meal at Taco Bell. When we got to our seats Nine Inch Nails was on the stage and performing. The show was awesome. It was a little weird because they had strobe lights going off and an elaborate light show going on behind the band, but it was still light outside, so the full effect was a little lost. Trent Reznor rocked it though!

I really enjoyed Nine Inch Nails' set. I also enjoyed Jane's Addiction although I had a hard time hearing Perry Farrell during a good majority of the songs. The Santa Barbara Bowl is also a beautiful outdoor venue. In fact while Nine Inch Nails was playing I have to admit that I kept thinking how sublime it would be to listen to an orchestra on a starlit summer evening. The people watching was pretty spectacular as well! I had a really good first concert experience and it only took me twenty-seven years and a couple friends to get me there!

Netflix: "Changeling"

On Tuesday evening I invited my friend David over for dinner and a movie. I made meatloaf with scalloped potatoes and a caesar salad followed by Raspberry sorbet for desert. For the movie I had the latest movie from my Netflix Queue "Changeling"

This movie was simply amazing and there is a good reason for that. That reason is Clint Eastwood! Clint has found his artistic calling behind the scenes calling the shots from the director's chair. He simply does an amazing job. The way the film told the story, the way the film was shot, the acting was perfect from beginning to end. Some of the shots that he was able to get were simply breathtaking, beautiful, complimented the emotion of the scenes. His use of contrast in the lighting of the film was simply magnificent.

"Changeling" is the true story of a mother from Los Angeles in the 1920's whose son goes missing and her quest to find her missing boy. Along the way she has to battle the corrupt Los Angeles police department bringing to light just how corrupt and depraved the department truly is. I don't want to say anymore because I don't want to ruin it for anyone who has not seen it. This movie is definitely a must see and is yet another Clint Eastwood masterpiece!

The meal and company wasn't so bad either!

Relay for Life 2009

Last weekend was the UCSB annual American Cancer Societies Relay for Life. This year I captained our department's team "Gauchos for Life". Last year was my first year being involved with Relay for Life and had a blast. The night before we had a barbeque at the beach and designed t-shirts for each other. Of course last year was different because it was just the Athletic Trainer's that participated and I got along really well with everyone who was involved. Majority of that group has moved on to other things now, and miss them dearly!

So this year we decided to invite the entire department and the student athletes to join in the fun. Unfortunately, a lot people in the department decided not to walk with us, but were kind enough to give us a donation. Our team goal was to raise $3,000.00. In the end I believe that we were extremely close to meeting our fundraising goal! So, thank you to all who donated!

This year was also the first year that I had a personal reason to get involved. My Grandfather last fall was diagnosed with prostate cancer and has been going through treatment. He seems to be tolerating everything well. He was not only able to travel to Normal, IL to watch the Gauchos play a couple games, but he's still playing basketball with his buddies a couple days a week.

Our team started out strong with good participation till about eleven o'clock that night and then people started dropping off and heading home to sleep. One of our students had signed up to walk from midnight till three in the morning, so I decided that I would walk with him. I didn't want him to be out there alone. While Kyle and I were walking around the track playing catchphrase a couple of my tennis players showed up to walk a mile with us. They were hilarious! When they got to the track they were yelling "Greg" and then realized that they should clarify and started yelling "Greg the trainer" trying to find me. Once three o'clock rolled around Kyle headed off and I sat down to rest for a bit. My hip flexors were killing me! While I sat I began debating whether or not to stay up all night.

As I was sitting there I was getting close to drifting off to sleep when our new Director of Sports Performance showed up to help get the team through the early morning hours. I took a full hour break and then went back out on the track to walk with Jeremy till seven o'clock when Leah got there to take over for me. It was a long night, but it was good getting to know Jeremy.

Overall, I have no idea how many miles or laps I walked. All I know is that I walked for nine hours overall and was awake for close to thirty hours. I had a good time conversing on the track with everyone and hanging out at the campsite. I also enjoyed the ice bath I made myself take afterwards. The ice bath really isn't that bad. I don't know why so many of my athletes seem to have a problem with it?

Here's looking forward to next years Relay for Life!

A nice little Saturday

I was already evacuated and staying with David so I figured I could repay his generosity by taking him out to breakfast Saturday morning. He was nice enough to agree, so we had a delicious breakfast with a pleasant talk about a little of everything. Then we made our way out to Goleta to catch the first showing of the new Star Trek movie.

Growing up as a kid my parents were a fan of the Star Trek series. I would not call them Trekies by any stretch of the imagination, but they did enjoy them some Science fiction. With that being said we did own every Star Trek movie and watch them numerous times. At the time I was heavily into becoming a Marine Biologist so Star Trek IV was my favorite since they had to go back in time to get a couple whales to save the world.

We watched Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager on television, so yes I am familiar with the franchise. In any case "Star Trek" was my first summer blockbuster movie of the season to see and I must say that it did deliver. I felt JJ Abrams did a great job from beginning to end on this; after "Cloverfield" I was a bit worried! I felt the cast did a good job of staying true to their predecessors but also striking out on their own. I did not see "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" last weekend so I cannot speak of its merits, but "Star Trek" was definitely a good start to the summer movie season. I look forward to what Hollywood has to show us this summer!

It's fire season? Already?

Santa Barbara was once again making national news this week because of a wildfire burning in the foothills. It is kind of weird to think about but I watched this fire from its beginning on Tuesday. I was taking an athlete to an appointment when I looked up and saw smoke rising from the foothills. By Tuesday night the fire seemed to be under control and by Wednesday morning I thought it had already fizzled out. Unfortunately, as the day went on Wednesday the winds picked up and all of a sudden the wildfire had turned into a firestorm and began moving towards the city of Santa Barbara burning many homes. Sadly, one of those homes was one of our team physicians.

On Thursday everything was looking good again. The fire had calmed down and receded from populated areas. I went along with my day not really thinking about it. I played intramural volleyball that night and after our match I got a call from my friend David stating suggestively "I'm just checking in to see how you are doing?" To which I replied "I'm doing fine, is there a reason why I shouldn't be doing fine?" I told him I just got done with volleyball and hadn't yet began the drive home. He responded with "Okay, well call me later and tell how you are doing." I thought the whole interchange was weird until I got closer to home and noticed the foothills alive with flame, ash falling like a snow storm from the sky, and streets packed with cars heading in the opposite direction; everything made sense at that point.

Luckily, I signed up for reverse 911 after the last wildfire. Sadly, I didn't know if it would actually work since I never received the confirmation call that I was supposed to. A little after midnight I got the call that my neighborhood had been placed as an evacuation warning area and that I should be prepared to leave. I had already gathered some things just in case earlier in the evening, so I was prepared. I decided to stay up till 1:30am just to monitor the situation. I was minutes away from having a piece of birthday cake when I got the call saying that I was now in a mandatory evacuation and that I needed to leave immediately. I called David to see if I could crash on his couch, packed up my car, and headed to his place to ride out the evacuation. I spent Friday evening with David, his roommates, and their two pugs.

The weather began to cooperate Friday evening and throughout yesterday. The mandatory evacuation for my area was lifted Saturday afternoon and downgraded to a warning again. So, I am back home and keeping an eye on the hills, but it seems like the firefighter's have things under control right now, so I am safe and sound!

Arts and Lectures Film Series: "Waltz with Bashir"

Last Tuesday I went with my friend David to go see the film "Waltz with Bashir" that was playing as part of Arts and Lectures film series.

"The film begins with Boaz, an old friend of Folman (Writer/Driector), telling him about a recurring nightmare in which he is chased by twenty-six rabid dogs, a dream that relates directly to Boaz's army service during Israel's invasion of Lebanon in 1982, more than twenty years earlier. The story spurs Folman to instigate an investigation into his own nightmarish past to discover the truth about himself."

The film was definitely dark, but what do you expect of film centered around this subject matter. The film was extremely well done and very interesting. Since I was born in 1982 I don't have any memories of this happening and it was never included in my history courses throughout school, so I had no clue that Israel had invaded Lebanon. The way the movie was done helped desensitize the audience to the memories of war that the characters were reliving till the end when it switched to real life footage giving the audience the true reality of what had happened.

I felt the film was extremely well done and definitely worth seeing.

Le-gen-dary Weekend in LA

This past weekend was much needed and awesome. I can't remember when I had so much fun. I made the trek down to Westwood to meet up with Heather who was traveling with Oregon State and playing at UCLA. I had not seen Heather since my first year here at UCSB when the basketball team traveled to Montana State. A lot had happened since I last saw Heather. She and Zeb had moved back to Oregon and are proud house owners with an adorable puppy named Ollie!
Joining up with Heather and me was the completion to our Heron Club reunion; Laef and his fiance Allison. Laef and Allison were nice enough to introduce us to their kitty "Sanchez" and let me crash on the couch for the night! After Heather's game We headed back to Heather's hotel and made plans to meet up with Laef and Allison. We went to a mexican restaurant for dinner and Marguarita's followed by Corona's and hanging out in Heather's hotel room.
On Sunday I headed back to UCLA to catch Heather's second game and spend a little more time with her before she had to get on the bus and head back to Oregon! In the process I got to see quite the coaching display post game when in disgust Heather's coach took his shirt off and tossed it in the middle of the team huddle and walked away.

It was great meeting back up with Heather, Laef, and Allison. I had such a great time reconnecting and sharing old stories.