Alone for the Holidays

Being on the road with not a lot to do has its advantages and disadvantages. The advantages are that you can recharge the battery a little bit because there is a lot of downtime. That downtime also can be a disadvantage because it gives you plenty of time to sit and think about everything. Needless to say I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past month.

With that being said I've been in hotels that have decked the halls and are playing christmas tunes 24/7 and sadly that has been the only indication for me that it is Christmas time yet again. This Dec. 25th marks the third year in a row that I have not spent Christmas with my family. I've come to realize just how important they are to me; especially my mom and dad. It seems that as each year goes by I miss them more and more! We talk on the phone just about every week, but it's not the same as being able to hug mom and joke around with dad. Shoot, I even miss my brother!

They live on the east coast now and I've removed my self from the family by moving to and staying on the west coast, and neither of us really have the finances or the availability to visit each other. The distance has made it more difficult to feel connected to them. When we talk and actually get to see each other our conversations are typically quite weird and just the standard catching up. I feel like I am gradually losing the sense of who they are and well to varying degrees they know little about me. We've never been a family comfortable with each other to talk about anything and everything. Each of us in our own ways are very guarded from not only the rest of the world, but also each other. So, in a way the distance is both figurative and literal between myself and my family.

I've always been the child that has wanted to get away and strike out on my own! Ever since I can remember I've wanted to move around and explore different areas, trying to find the spot that is just right for me; the area where I feel I belong and fit in. So far in my life I feel like the closest I've come to that place was Eugene.

Anyway to get back on topic, on this last road trip I've realized that being around family is what makes the holiday season so special. I miss soo much the Christmas eve get togethers' , opening gifts with my parents and brother on Christmas day and seeing the looks on their faces, sitting by the fire, and playing card and board games all afternoon and evening. I miss getting pizza and watching the movies we got for Christmas on New Years eve, all the christmas cookies and holiday snacks mom would whip up, but most of all I just miss being able to spend time with them!

Mom, dad and to the rest of the family, I miss you all very much and wish I could be there for the holidays. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love,
Greg